It’s not easy to break down and break the seal, but I try to remember the quote attributed to Lincoln: “I don't like that man. I must get to know him better.”
Rick, this story is so very helpful from a variety of angles. At the very least, if I'm ever sitting next to an annoying 737 passenger, it can pay to "lean in" and find out more about him or her. And you used the power of human connection and storytelling, which (1) furnished you with firsthand evidence of what you could use in your presentation, and (2) you leveraged into this wonderful essay. I guess that's "walking the walk" on the fly ... literally. Well done.
I often try to avoid any midair interaction with (potentially annoying) seat mates, and to save them from an interaction with (potentially annoying) me ;) But occasionally these little convos are golden. My wife and I had a lovely conversation with a school teacher about the infiltration of AI in education. A comment I made proved to valuable to her on the rest of the trip, and she bid us adieu saying she'd researched other ways to work with the preponderance of AI. My favorite, though, was a man who had worked with the military and special forces. He told me all about some ubiquitous Toyota, and how they could improvise crazy repairs. Like using a thin tree trunk to replace a broken axle until they could get back to camp. This and other survivalist shenanigans made for an interesting trip. It's a nice reminder to come out of the misanthropic cave I enter while flying
Thanks Earle. We share the same reticence, but humans are categorically fascinating creatures, which makes the effort of reaching out a little very satisfying most of the time. The tree trunk in place of a broken axle is one I would love to have witnessed. How satisfied those who jury-rigged it must have been. Our ingenious triumphs make such good stories.
Rick, thank you so much for sharing this story. I could deeply relate to those moments where you have to overcome inner protectiveness or shyness and choose connection instead of retreat. It always amazes me how much relief and clarity come from pushing through that discomfort, and it never fails that I am glad when I do.
I also really appreciated the way you wove in research on human connection. One example that has always stayed with me comes from the work of Dr. Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy and a pioneer in adult attachment research. EFT has been adapted into programs like Healing Hearts Together for couples facing cardiac disease, because research shows that positive, supportive relationships are linked with better cardiovascular health and recovery outcomes. It is a powerful reminder that we are biologically wired for connection.
Thanks again for writing this. Your story captures so beautifully how a simple act of curiosity can shift an entire experience and even our own sense of wellbeing.
That inner experience of being protective and then choosing connection, and then feeling so glad to have done so, but then feeling shy and protective all over again the next time is such a fascinating human experience. It seems to just take repetition of making the leap to have it come a little easier, but it still takes some effort and commitment. Thanks for pointing to the work of Dr. Johnson and Emotionally Focused Therapy. Going to look this up and add it to my list of new discoveries about the connection between communication and heart health.
Absolutely lovely. Your willingness to set aside your work to do what your work says works, will remind me, when I'm next on a plane, to stop and consider the value of connecting with my fellow travellers. Thank you Rick for your example of what it means to be fully human.
Thanks Dana. "Consider" is the right word. It might not always be the best idea. On the way home a woman sitting directly behind me was coughing, sneezing and sniffling the whole way, clearly battling a cold. I did NOT go out of my way to make a connection with her. I mean, as a writer I do dream of going viral, but not in that way.
I’d have been just as twitchy, probably elbow‑deep in my Matthew‑made snacks, plotting a villain arc for Mr. Fidget. Love how you flipped the annoyance of this in-the-moment putz into connection. That’s emotional aikido at cruising altitude.
ha ha, emotional aikido. There is some similarity there. Have you practiced the martial art yourself? I took just enough lessons for the black belt instructor to ask if he could demonstrate a new move on me and the next thing I knew I was on my back on the mat looking up at him, without any sensation of impact. The art has had my respect ever since.
It’s not easy to break down and break the seal, but I try to remember the quote attributed to Lincoln: “I don't like that man. I must get to know him better.”
Ah yes, an entire worthy life path laid out in 12 words.
Rick, this story is so very helpful from a variety of angles. At the very least, if I'm ever sitting next to an annoying 737 passenger, it can pay to "lean in" and find out more about him or her. And you used the power of human connection and storytelling, which (1) furnished you with firsthand evidence of what you could use in your presentation, and (2) you leveraged into this wonderful essay. I guess that's "walking the walk" on the fly ... literally. Well done.
Thank you Larry.
I often try to avoid any midair interaction with (potentially annoying) seat mates, and to save them from an interaction with (potentially annoying) me ;) But occasionally these little convos are golden. My wife and I had a lovely conversation with a school teacher about the infiltration of AI in education. A comment I made proved to valuable to her on the rest of the trip, and she bid us adieu saying she'd researched other ways to work with the preponderance of AI. My favorite, though, was a man who had worked with the military and special forces. He told me all about some ubiquitous Toyota, and how they could improvise crazy repairs. Like using a thin tree trunk to replace a broken axle until they could get back to camp. This and other survivalist shenanigans made for an interesting trip. It's a nice reminder to come out of the misanthropic cave I enter while flying
Thanks Earle. We share the same reticence, but humans are categorically fascinating creatures, which makes the effort of reaching out a little very satisfying most of the time. The tree trunk in place of a broken axle is one I would love to have witnessed. How satisfied those who jury-rigged it must have been. Our ingenious triumphs make such good stories.
…when all else fails run to what annoys you…on that note i guess i’ll head to a backstreet boys concert…
Can't wait to hear about the conversation you have with a fan.
…i’ll give you a sneak peak…me talking to a fan…”whirrrrrrrr, bizzzzzzz, flffffffffff”…
Rick, thank you so much for sharing this story. I could deeply relate to those moments where you have to overcome inner protectiveness or shyness and choose connection instead of retreat. It always amazes me how much relief and clarity come from pushing through that discomfort, and it never fails that I am glad when I do.
I also really appreciated the way you wove in research on human connection. One example that has always stayed with me comes from the work of Dr. Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy and a pioneer in adult attachment research. EFT has been adapted into programs like Healing Hearts Together for couples facing cardiac disease, because research shows that positive, supportive relationships are linked with better cardiovascular health and recovery outcomes. It is a powerful reminder that we are biologically wired for connection.
Thanks again for writing this. Your story captures so beautifully how a simple act of curiosity can shift an entire experience and even our own sense of wellbeing.
That inner experience of being protective and then choosing connection, and then feeling so glad to have done so, but then feeling shy and protective all over again the next time is such a fascinating human experience. It seems to just take repetition of making the leap to have it come a little easier, but it still takes some effort and commitment. Thanks for pointing to the work of Dr. Johnson and Emotionally Focused Therapy. Going to look this up and add it to my list of new discoveries about the connection between communication and heart health.
Absolutely lovely. Your willingness to set aside your work to do what your work says works, will remind me, when I'm next on a plane, to stop and consider the value of connecting with my fellow travellers. Thank you Rick for your example of what it means to be fully human.
Thanks Dana. "Consider" is the right word. It might not always be the best idea. On the way home a woman sitting directly behind me was coughing, sneezing and sniffling the whole way, clearly battling a cold. I did NOT go out of my way to make a connection with her. I mean, as a writer I do dream of going viral, but not in that way.
Fabulous story.
Amazing how sharing stories connects us, like opening a window between adjoining rooms.
Yeah, and if your windows are really tightly sealed then they are double pained, with both parties suffering from the closure.
What a metaphor.
I’d have been just as twitchy, probably elbow‑deep in my Matthew‑made snacks, plotting a villain arc for Mr. Fidget. Love how you flipped the annoyance of this in-the-moment putz into connection. That’s emotional aikido at cruising altitude.
ha ha, emotional aikido. There is some similarity there. Have you practiced the martial art yourself? I took just enough lessons for the black belt instructor to ask if he could demonstrate a new move on me and the next thing I knew I was on my back on the mat looking up at him, without any sensation of impact. The art has had my respect ever since.
Awesome story!!! Wow. I can totally relate. To all parts of this story. Getting irritated by someone, and choosing to connect... Wow!
Thank you very much Genie.