My favourite part was when you said there was no time for grieving because it was mixed with the joyful opportunity to prepare something for your mom.
That was until I read your mom’s words: “I don’t know why I have this dementia, but I’m convinced it’s for a good reason. There’s something I’m supposed to learn.” 😢
And there, I thought, there is the unmistakable family trait. The perspective. The humility. The positivity. Like mother, like son.
Rick, man, this is beautiful. There’s this awe inspiring feeling of welcome running through the whole piece - from the description of your mom to your willingness to jump in and take the baton. It felt like I was in that kitchen. And beyond the reader experience of being there, the theme of “welcome” cuts through fears, of getting older, of having to rely on others for help… and it shows in your mother, father and you - carrying that quality personally and in your words is like the ultimate acknowledgement of the blessing that is service to family. Your post becomes a way of showing “you’re welcome” such that “thank you” need never be said again. Very cool how you did that.
I love this lens you're holding up around our family theme. I do feel that with my folks, and appreciate your good company in seeing "the blessing that is service to family." To have that mood established in a family unit is profound, and then the next step is extending that circle of welcome to one's neighborhood and community. I feel that Write Hearted is carrying that kind of extended sanctuary. Thank you for being a part of its flourishing.
This may be the nicest Mother's Day gift I've ever seen. And your discussion about the inevitable cycle of life is nothing short of brilliant. Bottom line: She raised you right!!!
Here I am, at my computer which delivers the deliciousness of your writing, as your beautiful article came through. What a rich, poignant, generous life-giving moment you have given me. and I thank you, once again.
Rick... Big Wow on this one. So beautifully touching and inspiring all at once. Thanks for this tribute to your mom and by extension all the moms who serve up love daily.
Yes, I hope you and all moms receive the collectively intended praise. As Matt said, the blessing that is service to family, is carried so admirably and mostly invisibly by mothers.
I've been holding out on this until I had the time to properly read it and I'm glad I waited. I savored it like I've had the fortune to savor your own cooking. I can confidently say that your folks were well fed that night.
I think a lot about the cyclical nature of caretaking. The carers become the cared for. My future facing self can't help but to imagine what that would be like for me. Frankly, the immediate thought that I have is "I don't want to be a burden." But perhaps that surrender, like your Mother's, may be the very thing I will need at that time.
Thanks Camilo and me too. I'd imagine most people have that sense of not wanting to be a burden, while those who love us couldn't imagine the possibility that our needs, whatever they are, would be burdensome. Why does it come so much easier to love and care than it does to be loved and cared for?
This is so touching. Even your title got my heart, as I immediately sensed what it was about - the cycle of life, the inevitable ceasing of a role, an identity, the carer becoming cared for, it’s all so heartbreaking and beautiful.
Wow, Rick this was so beautiful. One of the most simple and elegant reflections on the passing of time that I’ve ever read. I love that your Mom has such a thoughtful perspective on something so difficult. It’s clear where you get your own depth from ◡̈
Beautiful. I loved this line "which in turn causes the couple to surrender their independent lives to the birth of the family unit." At times, I feel totally surrendered to it and makes me question how my parents raised 4 in a new country with not knowing the language. After becoming a parent, it really puts into perspective what others did for you.
Yes, that's the beauty of the circle isn't it? You take up the place where those who served you stood and suddenly so much comes into perspective. Thank you Istiaq and blessings to your family.
Hi Rick, Wonderful!!! I think it has all the power and focus it needs. It really hits the heart's bullseye on Mother's Day—so many emotions—love, joy, sadness, and acceptance all rolled into one. There is clearly the sense of the circle of life, while still anchoring the story of your experience of your mother's experience. Congrats on a great sharpening of the story.
Rick, others have commented on what your mother said next, but what came prior was such a profound insight, perspective, and intention. So beautiful and reflects the depth of the entire piece, and the depth of you.
“And now, the forces of nature were recalling that education, and in being relieved of the knowledge, she had to surrender a role. A quality of surrender, I might add, that I aspire to.
Watching my mom it's registering the profound role that's baked into parenting, to go first in the aging process and model dignity and wisdom in the face of it.
Yet again your writing has made me teary eyed. One of the things I’ve learned as a mum is that you will never know when it’s the last time. The last breastfeeding, the last time they snuggle into your bed at night, the last time they smell your mum smell before it’s suddenly over. The grief of it is you captured with your opening of your mum in the kitchen.
Thank you Perzen. It's quite the practice to tend to the practical details of being a parent, or the child of one, and at the same time to be experiencing each moment with your loved ones all the way down to the roots and letting it in. As you said, not knowing when it's the last time.
Wow, Rick. This story is as good in writing as it was when you spoke it. A beautiful tribute to your mom and reflection on change, the hard parts of life and where the light comes in, too.
Just beautiful, Rick.
My favourite part was when you said there was no time for grieving because it was mixed with the joyful opportunity to prepare something for your mom.
That was until I read your mom’s words: “I don’t know why I have this dementia, but I’m convinced it’s for a good reason. There’s something I’m supposed to learn.” 😢
And there, I thought, there is the unmistakable family trait. The perspective. The humility. The positivity. Like mother, like son.
I'm touched by your reflection on this, for sure I see this in my parents, and hope with such encouragement to trust it more in myself.
"And there, I thought, there is the unmistakable family trait. The perspective. The humility. The positivity. Like mother, like son."
Wonderfully put, Simon!!
Rick, man, this is beautiful. There’s this awe inspiring feeling of welcome running through the whole piece - from the description of your mom to your willingness to jump in and take the baton. It felt like I was in that kitchen. And beyond the reader experience of being there, the theme of “welcome” cuts through fears, of getting older, of having to rely on others for help… and it shows in your mother, father and you - carrying that quality personally and in your words is like the ultimate acknowledgement of the blessing that is service to family. Your post becomes a way of showing “you’re welcome” such that “thank you” need never be said again. Very cool how you did that.
I love this lens you're holding up around our family theme. I do feel that with my folks, and appreciate your good company in seeing "the blessing that is service to family." To have that mood established in a family unit is profound, and then the next step is extending that circle of welcome to one's neighborhood and community. I feel that Write Hearted is carrying that kind of extended sanctuary. Thank you for being a part of its flourishing.
This may be the nicest Mother's Day gift I've ever seen. And your discussion about the inevitable cycle of life is nothing short of brilliant. Bottom line: She raised you right!!!
Thank you Larry.
Here I am, at my computer which delivers the deliciousness of your writing, as your beautiful article came through. What a rich, poignant, generous life-giving moment you have given me. and I thank you, once again.
Such consistent kindness and encouragement from you Amba. I’m grateful.
Rick... Big Wow on this one. So beautifully touching and inspiring all at once. Thanks for this tribute to your mom and by extension all the moms who serve up love daily.
Yes, I hope you and all moms receive the collectively intended praise. As Matt said, the blessing that is service to family, is carried so admirably and mostly invisibly by mothers.
How utterly sweet that is... thanks, Rick.
Thank you for reading and your support PJ.
I've been holding out on this until I had the time to properly read it and I'm glad I waited. I savored it like I've had the fortune to savor your own cooking. I can confidently say that your folks were well fed that night.
I think a lot about the cyclical nature of caretaking. The carers become the cared for. My future facing self can't help but to imagine what that would be like for me. Frankly, the immediate thought that I have is "I don't want to be a burden." But perhaps that surrender, like your Mother's, may be the very thing I will need at that time.
Lovely piece, Rick
Thanks Camilo and me too. I'd imagine most people have that sense of not wanting to be a burden, while those who love us couldn't imagine the possibility that our needs, whatever they are, would be burdensome. Why does it come so much easier to love and care than it does to be loved and cared for?
This is so touching. Even your title got my heart, as I immediately sensed what it was about - the cycle of life, the inevitable ceasing of a role, an identity, the carer becoming cared for, it’s all so heartbreaking and beautiful.
This means a lot to know you were fed by this story Sarina. Glad to be able to return the favor of being often moved by your own expressions.
Wow, Rick this was so beautiful. One of the most simple and elegant reflections on the passing of time that I’ve ever read. I love that your Mom has such a thoughtful perspective on something so difficult. It’s clear where you get your own depth from ◡̈
Thank you. That’s very kind of you Rachel. She is an inspiration.
Beautiful. I loved this line "which in turn causes the couple to surrender their independent lives to the birth of the family unit." At times, I feel totally surrendered to it and makes me question how my parents raised 4 in a new country with not knowing the language. After becoming a parent, it really puts into perspective what others did for you.
Yes, that's the beauty of the circle isn't it? You take up the place where those who served you stood and suddenly so much comes into perspective. Thank you Istiaq and blessings to your family.
Hi Rick, Wonderful!!! I think it has all the power and focus it needs. It really hits the heart's bullseye on Mother's Day—so many emotions—love, joy, sadness, and acceptance all rolled into one. There is clearly the sense of the circle of life, while still anchoring the story of your experience of your mother's experience. Congrats on a great sharpening of the story.
thank you Genie for the encouragement and support with it
How beautifully written—and that last line, 'We’ve got you,' struck me deeply. Such a brief sentence, yet it says so much!
Thank you very much for the comment Sinem. So good to know these stories are landing out there.
Rick, others have commented on what your mother said next, but what came prior was such a profound insight, perspective, and intention. So beautiful and reflects the depth of the entire piece, and the depth of you.
“And now, the forces of nature were recalling that education, and in being relieved of the knowledge, she had to surrender a role. A quality of surrender, I might add, that I aspire to.
Awe.
Watching my mom it's registering the profound role that's baked into parenting, to go first in the aging process and model dignity and wisdom in the face of it.
Yet again your writing has made me teary eyed. One of the things I’ve learned as a mum is that you will never know when it’s the last time. The last breastfeeding, the last time they snuggle into your bed at night, the last time they smell your mum smell before it’s suddenly over. The grief of it is you captured with your opening of your mum in the kitchen.
Thank you Perzen. It's quite the practice to tend to the practical details of being a parent, or the child of one, and at the same time to be experiencing each moment with your loved ones all the way down to the roots and letting it in. As you said, not knowing when it's the last time.
Wow, Rick. This story is as good in writing as it was when you spoke it. A beautiful tribute to your mom and reflection on change, the hard parts of life and where the light comes in, too.
Hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day together
Ah, yes. Where the light comes in. Sometimes we just need that sliver of illumination to navigate the challenges. Thank you Claire.
Truly beautiful. Your mom sounds like a lovely woman. She raised an inspiring son.
Thank you for your encouragement with this draft Kathy. Your support made a big difference.